When going through a break-up friends try easy things up for us in every possible way. Some would give us a hug, while others would listen to us complaining. Some friends would start calling the EX names, while others would say things like “you deserve better” & “you are better off without him”.
Yesterday morning, a dear friend had her own way of comforting me. She text messaged me early in the morning saying “Hope you are bright as always & remember, “Chalb ra7 10 ghera eyon” (Translated to: A dog gone, 10 others to come).
I couldn’t stop thinking about her statement all day. Is it true? Do we, girls, tend to keep dating a “Chalb” over & over again? And why do we not realize that he is one “Chalb” until we break-up?
Wasn’t he the one we kept dreaming about? Wasn’t he our Mr. Right? Didn’t we think that we are lucky for being with such a man? Then what is the real reasons behind him turning into a “Chalb”?
One would cheat on us, one would lie; and one would just have a change of heart. Many reasons, one outcome; he always turn out to be a “Chalb”. Then what? What do we do next? We go and find our next “Chalb”.
hmm.. la2 it’s not the issue of chalb, we women tend to repeat mistakes till we finally get it right!
Yep, the same way men think of the girl as a “chalba”. The difference is that most of the men named their girls as chalba long before they had the break up!
Is your friend anti-korean?
Some say the dogs remind us of our fathers; what we seek in men repeats our relationship with the main man in our lives - dear old Dad. I’m not saying it’s true in your case, it’s just what some people say.
Shoofay Shopa, allow me to blather in my classically endless way and hope you get something useful to you out of it (LOL).
We women are forgiving because we want to believe and have hope in the dream that is in our nature to dream. We want to believe the dream is possible(it is, just not for everyone). We also have it in our nature to nurture and rationalize things, to excuse things and lie to ourselves so that “inmashee il-sefeena”, unlike guys who think in a very clear cut and no nonsense, no frills fashion. We tell ourselves “he is going through a bad time” “he had a bad childhood” blah blah or whatever and we live off of the false hopes we sell ourselves on. Or, we endure horrible situations that no one should endure because we have no confidence in ourselves and believe that this is possibly the best we will ever do. Believe me, so many of the women I know are like this. Beautiful, educated, wonderful, glamorous, good women. They really sadly are.
Woe befall the delusional lady who thinks she has the power to change a man to be the way she wants him to be. No one ever changes themselves UNLESS THEY WANT TO and especially men. Believe me when I say this.
No other person (a man or a woman) will love you exactly the way you want them to, the way you think you need to be loved. Only you can find that love within yourself. In my time on this earth so far, I have found that the love I need and want from others is not to be found just from one person, parts of the love I need I get from my family, my sisters, my friends. My books and the nice stuff I do for myself.
The guy didn’t turn into a chalb, he decided to act like one or was one all along. But he hid it or stopped caring to hide it from you. To a certain extent, it is beyond your control. It’s the risk you take. All you can do is learn that you owe it to yourself to be better to yourself and not allow such people near you again.
There is no such thing as Mr. Right. Only: Mr. Right at that point in time. Mr. Right is the right one if he grows and changes with you and becomes a better person by being with you and because of his relationship with you - because you challenge him to find that better person within himself. And only time tells you if he was right or wrong for you. You just have to itwakleen 3la Allah and take the blind jump when you decide to be with someone for good and true hearted reasons in a relationship or in a marriage. Time and circumstance will tell if it was the right or wrong choice for you.
To me, real love between a man and a woman (or successful love is a better way to put it) is like having a best friend all the time only you get to sleep with them and have babies together.
I also believe that the only true love - the truest most real love there is to be had, is the love between a mother and her child.
Malet 3lay, I talk like I know the secret and have the answers, oo shoofay 7altee… LOOL ;P
Ullah garegt 3la rasich, sorry Shopa.
I have a lot to say on this subject.
Bs i think ill keep it to myself, cuz i dont want to sound like the annoying friend that always thinks that she has all the answers.
Kilma wa7da abi agolha:
Theyre not all “chlab”.
Actually kilmitain:
Sometimes we allow them to act like “chlab”.
Chika,
You think so? so it’s our fault?
Hasan,
True
Purg,
No she is not
Intlxpatr,
Yeh I heard that too…
MsBaker,
you should seriously go back to write! and you and I should discuss such subjects over coffee…Don’t you think?
DR,
I always say this…if he is using me it’s because I am allowing him to..
I think so indeed Shopa, it would be an honor :*
Hmmmm time heals..friends sayings not needed:p
HasanB & Purgatory add a certain humorous twist to this subject.
IntlXpatr’s comment made me pause to think a while.
And MsBaker’s comment is really insightful and full of so many truths. You’re wonderful MsBaker.
Sure time heals but it helps to have support along the way to help us along.