I don’t understand why do people in a relationship fight over stupid things. It just doesn’t make sense especially when both are madly in love with each other. It is always this little comment that develops into an argument that leads into a fight. A friend keeps telling me that those who love fight all the time. I am not sure if this is true. Another friend tells me that fighting over and over means the end of a relationship. I am not sure about this either.
I am starting to have doubts. I am not sure what to do. I don’t want to fight anymore. It is driving me crazy. I keep thinking, does he love me? Do I love him? Is this going somewhere? Shall I end things? Etc etc etc. It’s been three days since this last fight and over 30 hours since I stopped calling and texting. He hasn’t called yet. His cousin tells me to give it sometime and wait. What If I can’t wait? Well, I guess that what will I be doing for a while.
Shopa, Personally I believe if two fight so much over things that are not worth it, it means there is another issues you have to talk about.. Perhaps something is pissing you off but you’re afraid to discuss so you keep fighting over silly stuff?
I don’t agree with your friend who thinks that “those who love fight all the time”. I believe that once you love someone, you want to make him/her happy all the time and you avoid those small fights. No one wants to be in a relationship where they fight so much. You should be calm and understanding. Save those fights for something that is worth it.
One of you (if not both) will get bored of these fights and wont be able to take it anymore. Take your time and think if you want to go on or leave. If you don’t want it to end, then think of changing what it’s supposed to be change in order to keep this relationship steady.
S.S.
why is his cousin involved?
I agree with papillona 100%.
If your arguing about silly things, there most be some unadressed issues you both have, they may not necessarily be the same thing. But you both have things to sort out.
My advice, think deeply about it and make a list of things that are bothering you, also make a list of the things you love about him and you can’t live without.
Call him up, be calm, invite him for an extra special dinner. The kind you would go to if it was your or his birthday. Have a good time, and then open up. Really open up, tell him everything you thought about. O inshAllah he’ll open up to you as well. But be sure not to end up making it into a nag-party, whenever you say something negative balance it out with something positive. Make him feel better about himself, so hes able to talk freely with you.
O Allah y3eenich, I know how frustrating it can be. Good luck and tell us what happens.
couples fight because a man needs a diagram and a lady expects a mind reader.
Thats what I think.
If this is a phone only relationship, you’re probably fighting because you’re both frustrated with ..well..a phone only relationship.
You miss him, so you say something to tease him. He doesn’t react the way you want him to. You get upset, he gets upset, and before you know it you’re fighting and bringing up stuff that should stay in the past.
Go out on a real date. If you still end up fighting on your date, then it’s a deeper problem.
Papillona,
I am afraid I am getting very close to being bored with all the fight, yet I don’t think I am reday to leave.
Purgy,
he is a good friend of mine.
Delic. Real.,
We’ve done the list part. Well, I’ve done it not him but only the things that bother me.
Donveto,
I guess so.
mcarabian,
I think you got it right. Maybe it’s beacuse it’s been along time since we got together the 2 of us with no other friends. I was gone for months and during that time whenever I saw him we were surrounded with friends!
I hope he calls very soon, nevertheless in later stages; one of you has to get hold of the situation in order not to end up into a useless fight..
i personally am afraid of this “Stagnant” time..
i freak out when nothing is happening and everything is just quite..
Don’t know how u’re dealling with it.. 3 days is alot.. someone has to sacrifice, and do the first step..
call him up.. tell him that u can’t going on like that.. laymita hal sokoot o0 chinna makoo shay 9ayer..
call him up and spill everything out.. reconcile things.. make sure you never do this silent treatment again, yama relationships fell apart during this quiet time..
Love, easy to spell, yet so0 damn hard to understand!
Good Luck Shopa!
Because it’s a nice way to release anger instead of having a big fight about a serious matter that would lead to a break up
A relationship is based on give and take will not have as much fights. It is natural for people to disagree, especially partners. But the problem is when they do that on the wrong time. You want to stop these fights or at least lessen them; you have to carefully CHOOSE THE TIME and delicately CHOOSE YOUR WORDS to present your point of view. And this needs skills and patient.
its weird how much i can relate to what your going through. I think im even more confused then you are. Too scared too leave becuz theyre all i know(when it comes to luv) but staying together has started to hurt too much.
Take a break from each other not a break up just a break. for at least a couple of weeks. figure things out really think things through. Is he the only one? Are there other fish in the sea? Is the pain of being with him actually worth it? Be realistic dont lie to urself. I know I have and it only brings me back to the same spot. over and over again.
Hello Shopa.. I believe this is so normal, and if you won’t have a fight now, you will eventually. However, it’s quite good not to have fights forever, but that will never be the case, it is just impossible in this life.
One of you should calm things once the other is in fire, and I really advise you not to think whether this fight is small or big. Fight is fight and should be solved equally no matter what. I half agree on most of what papillona said, except “Save those fights for something that is worth it” This is simply because when you do this, you’ll end up with tears, and this is the last thing anyone wants. And, you’re not gonna “save” things for fighting, are you?
Big fights will never occur and happen when the smalls are immediately tackled!
I also believe what did lead to those fights is simply “misunderstanding” and you both should do something about it. Most of relationships unfortunately are broken when one of the couple is like “I won’t call him till he/she apologies, or till he/she understands” That should not be the case. What the case should be, in my opinion, is “I’ll call him/her and feel sorry for what we both are having, and make the situation or problem so clear and understandable”
I’m not gonna advise you in general, so according to “I don’t understand..” I’ll advise you to call him and asks for reasons and never say anything will make him angry and upset, and if he says “you already know” then in this case, say “If I already know, I would not call for your help, I’m your love and in a need of your help and support” and that surely will calm things.
Add to that, an apology as a start “apologizing for him, whether you’re right or not, is the least you can do for him”
Once he says, then take what he says away and go think of the availabilities you have and discuss them in order to solve the problem. Never ever indicate an “end” as one of them. Anything could be solved! All you need for now is “patience and belief” Do NOT ever solve it while you’re talking to him, and just heard the reasons.. Telling him that you’re going away to think and solve the problems will tell him something at least
and then he will know that you’re putting all you’ve got into this relationship! He’s a human! He’s gonna appreciate it oneday!
My last one, when you both solve and tackle a problem that should NOT be forgotten easily whatsoever! And finally, always have a belief and never give up.
Hint: You’re not in a position where you can say who’s right and who’s wrong! Neither is he!
salam.
I’m last to speak my opinion, but here is how i feel
30 hours of no talking is a break up, and unless he’s SO THE ONE, then its NEXT please
oh btw, it should take you 3-6 days to get over him, if it takes longer, you need more experience, or you were in love with him, & always remember ile Allah katba 6ab3an beseer
oh yes, & the golden rule:
If it doesn’t work out, its always for the best!
(I think God has a good hand in these things)
الملل والبحث عن الجديد يؤدي للمشاحنات
يا عنده شي جديد او ملل
Exceer ;*
Charisma,
Sometime you need some silent phase to calm things down.
funny,
you think so? Hmm
ayya,
THAT’S ME! I always choose the wrong time do discuss stuff. I am trying hard but it’s always the wrong timing.
fickle,
I don’t beleive in taking some time off. before you know, you get used to it and BOOM, the relationship has come to an end.
moodlonely,
WOW that was long! but so true and helpful. I think we are one of those people that do “I wont call unless he calls first blah blah blah”. You are so right, we are both at wrong and we agree that should work it out because we want to.
Sheba,
30 hours of not talking is NOT a break-up! and I really think he is the one ;P
nice,
I think it’s me who is bored
friends always make things worse, I hate when they interfere and comment on things as happened to them! they are not you and he is not theirs! you’re different people and they should not tell you what to do cause they don’t know him as well as you do! it’s like a dowaniya thing! that what breaks people apart! this friend says one thing and BAM! things go big in your head and nothing can make things as good as they once were! I hate that!
They say that couples that fight are more likely to be both very passionate people with opinions and end up putting their energy in good things too…we’d have to watch a complete episode of your fights to be able to judge whether it’s serious fights or just life’s pressures…in all cases…being in a relationship is hard work and that includes putting up with the good and bad…(if you want to that is)…in reality..a deep meaningful relationship means that they’ll be things that you agree and disagree on…there will pressure from the outside world..and all other depressing things involved…at the end of the day..if it’s worth it..people stay…if not…then “if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen”…you’re the only one that knows how deep your relationship is…and you’re the only one that knows if it’s worth it…ask yourself this question…if in 20 years time..you look back and say I broke up with him because we fought about “the weather”…how would you feel then…on the other hand if you broke up because “he broke your heart”..that’s a totally different reaction..maybe he’s under pressure…maybe you’re under pressure…all things that can come and go in life…only you and him can take this break then come back knowing either it is over…or we were so silly…let’s try again…good luck…:)
wats love without fighting , like a paradise with no flowers aroma . shopa , two nice words at the begining of the call, right after GOWWA , could change the whole situation.
want me to sum up what everyone’s saying?
mo0 kayfich, i am gonna tell u il zibda..
you can either:-
a)not call him or achieve contact and live the rest of your life to regret it, if he really is the “one”
b)face the facts, love is a bumpy ride with romance and fights coming as a package.. and just resolve the whole thing and be diplomatic.. and eventually forgive and forget..
C) hehe commit suicide
Just joking..
what are u going to do?
**i hope u know who i am** Shhh!
ha shsar 3elaich?
Every couple have their share of fights, but being in a relationship means sacrificing and unfortunately here in our culture its usually the girl who does most if not all the sacrificing. My input is don’t be the one that always gives in and I am sure its hard but don’t take the first step either in calling because eventually he will get in the routine of waiting for you to always make the first step.
As for all the fighting, only you can know why these fights have become so frequent, maybe its frustration because you are not together or don’t see each other so often or it could be any other thing, only you and him can really answer that question, good luck with your problem and by the way 30 hours of silence is not a breakup!
Thanks all for your comments, it really helps, in a way ;P
well, now I think I know what is the problem. We are very different in a way and both have certain concerns. Lately, we didn’t get a chance to each other nor talk. We’ve talked about it and hopefuly things will be just fine.
good :>